Lethal Dose

When my grandfather died, I begged my relatives to search for his JFK salt and pepper shaker set. They didn’t find it (or so they said) but every now and then I look on ebay for one. Yesterday I found one cheap, but I should have guessed that crazy Kennedy collectors would soon outbid me.

This was made before the assassination, and it’s pretty twisted:

the rocking chair is the pepper shaker.

And look where the salt comes out:

On the bright side, I did manage to get the “WELFARE” game I’ve been looking for - sealed in box! I hope to have a rockin’ game of welfare at Chez Lethal soon.

PS. A reader sends:

I’m fascinated by Phineas Gage.

Marky sent this to me and it all fell into place … I have finally found the cause of my terrifying nightmare as a child: that of a giant bunny with saber-tooth-tiger fangs, which bit me on the arm, giving me my lifelong fear of giant bunnies.

Judge, may I present proof to the jury of my client’s longstanding mental illness? Her phobia is entirely to blame for the incident that brings her before us today. Her attack on the man in the bunny suit stems from childhood trauma and she is not to blame!

Read my piece on Hollywood Forever here.

Jim-Jim requested this one …

I spent Earth Day in the dentist chair, contemplating how a tooth cracked while chewing gum en route to seeing Don Rickles could result in an injury so severe that it elicited three “Oh my god!”s at the dentist office. Each one of those OMGs came to roughly a thousand dollars for the cost of the repair work to my tooth, crown, and gum. The hygienist said, “You’re the first woman I’ve ever seen to do that to a tooth!” At one point, my dentist, his assistant, and I all donned special sunglasses while he used a laser. It was straight out of “Mad Love”:

If I hadn’t been told yesterday that this was my last week at work (not completely unexpected, but a few weeks earlier than I guessed), it wouldn’t have been so bad. Every year I pretend I’m going to put my tax return to good use, like liposuction on that pesky spot on my lower tummy that prevents me from wearing a bikini, or a trip to Tahiti even though Marlon Brando is dead. Now it’s all going into a tooth … far in the back of my mouth that no one except my dentist and his assistant will ever see.

The “Poor Gabors” were found guilty! And have already started to pay for their crimes - in beauty:

That was then …

this is now.

She and Helen Golay, who was convicted of all four counts Wednesday, were accused of plucking Kenneth McDavid and Paul Vados off the streets, putting them up in apartments for two years and then having them run over in dark alleys. Two years is the period after which most insurance policies cannot be contested. Golay faces life in prison without the possibility of parole. She buried her head in her hands after the jury’s decision was read.

No doubt thinking of spending the rest of her life without hair and makeup - that is punishment!

Wishing she had stayed in the hair-removal business?

Rutterschmidt could be sentenced to 25 years to life on the conspiracy conviction. As the verdict was returned, she put her chin on her fist and looked blankly around the small, softly lighted courtroom.

The jury, which received the case late Monday, will continue deliberating the remaining counts against Rutterschmidt today. Golay’s attorney, Roger Jon Diamond, indicated that she would appeal. “The ladies did not do very well today,” he said.

The terrifying, Johnny Eck-style doll, the amazing Kindertrauma found my site.

And oh what a joy they are - how did I not know about them?!

The horror!