Constance Bennett illustrates for us, and I couldn’t agree more.
Oh! Eve and I are so happy, someone finally posted this on YouTube. It’s been one of our favorites for years. I wish she would have gone on for hours … in fact, I wish I was Constance Bennett!
“Wishing you loads and loads of loveliness”
Now, he’s a “proposed” Saint. How do you do that? Do they have a little wooden box at the Vatican that you can fill with ideas?
Saint Isidore of Seville Sanctus Isidorus Hispalensis
Proposed Patron Saint of Internet Users
(c.560 - 636)
A Prayer before Logging onto the Internet and the Catholic Online Forum (which is where i found this.)
Almighty and eternal God,
who created us in Thy image and bade us to seek after all that is good,
true and beautiful,
especially in the divine person of Thy only-begotten Son,
our Lord Jesus Christ,
grant we beseech Thee that,
through the intercession of Saint Isidore,
bishop and doctor,
during our journeys through the internet we will direct our hands and eyes only to that which is pleasing to Thee
and treat with charity and patience all those souls whom we encounter.
Through Christ our Lord.
Amen
I promised the guys at World Famous in SF that I would do a Saint of the Week. Doesn’t St. Christina rock? I forgot to mention that Nick Cave thinks so, too. It seems that female saints tend to get their tongues and teeth ripped out. Check out St. Apollonia and invoke her during your next root canal - and remember, suicide is unsaintly!
ouch!
St. Apollonia, Patron Saint of Dentistry
Apollonia was born in Egypt in the 3rd century, and died in the year 249. She was an elderly deaconess, living in Alexandria, who lived in a refuge for Christians. She was martyred for not renouncing her faith during the reign of Emperor Philip. The account of the life of St. Apollonia was written by St. Dionysius to Fabian, Bishop of Antioch. One night, angry pagans began a riot and violently attacked believers of the faith. Apollonia had all her teeth knocked out after being hit in the face by a Christian persecutor. After she was threatened with fire unless she renounced her faith, Apollonia said a prayer and jumped into the flames voluntarily—which St. Augustine adamantly defended as an act of heroic faith and not suicide, which would be unsaintly. She is considered the patron of dental diseases and is often invoked by those with toothaches. Ancient art depicts her with a golden tooth at the end of her necklace. Also in art, she is seen with a pincers holding a tooth. Parts of her jaw and many of her teeth are presently housed in churches across Europe. Her feast day is February 9th.
Damn - I wanna see some parts of her jaw and her teeth! If they were knocked out, how did they end up in churches? Did she pick them up and give them to someone? Is her jaw all charred from the fire? Questions!
Apollonia illustration
Original image from a 14th century wood carving (4.5 x 6 in.)
“This illustration of Apollonia depicts her with her insignia: a tooth held by a forceps. It is unusual, however, since it shows the saint in sympathetic gaze with a toothache sufferer. Typically, Apollonia stands alone.”
… the Francine Fishpaw of Saints! I want friends named “The Count of Looz.” Will someone teach me to levitate as an excuse to avoid contact?
oops - wrong Christina*
Christina the Astonishing
[Saint Christina the Astonishing]
Also known as Christina Mirabilis
Memorial: 24 JulyBorn to a peasant family, orphaned as a child, and raised by two older sisters. At age 21, she experienced a severe seizure of what may have been epilepsy. It was so severe as to be cateleptic, and she was thought to have died. During her funeral Mass, she suddenly recovered, and levitated to the roof of the church. Ordered down by the priest (”Young lady, get down here this instant!”), she landed on the altar and stated that she had been to hell, purgatory, and heaven, and had been returned to earth with a ministry to pray for souls in purgatory.
Her life from that point became a series of strange incidents cataloged by a Thomas de Cantimpré, Dominican professor of theology at Louvain who was a contemporary recorded his information by interviewin witnesses, and by Cardinal Jacques de Vitny who knew her personally. She exhibited both unusual traits and abilities. For example, she could not stand the odor of other people because she could smell the sin in them, and would climb trees or buildings, hide in ovens or cupboards, or simply levitate to avoid contact. She lived in a way that was considered poverty even in the 13th century, sleeping on rocks, wearing rags, begging, and eating what came to hand. She would roll in fire or handle it without harm, stand in freezing water in the winter for hours, spend long periods in tombs, or allow herself to be dragged under water by a mill wheel, though she never sustained injury. Given to ecstasies during which she led the souls of the recently dead to purgatory, and those in purgatory to paradise.
People who knew her were divided in their opinions: she was a holy woman, touched of God, and that her actions and torments were simulations of the experiences of the souls in purgatory; she was suffering the torments of devils - or she was flatly insane. However, the prioress of Saint Catherine’s convent testified that no matter how bizarre or excessive Christina’s reported actions, she was always completely obedient to the prioresses orders. Friend of Louis,Count of Looz(!), whose castle she visited, and whose actions she rebuked. Blessed Marie of Oignies thought well of her, and Saint Lutgardis sought her advice.
Born 1150 at Brusthem near Liege, Belgium
Died 24 July 1224 at Saint Catherine’s convent, Trond of natural causes
Beatified
popular devotion existed and continues, but no formal beatification has taken place; unknown if any cause is before the Congregation; because of lack for formal designation, she is sometimes listed as Saint Christina, sometimes as Blessed Christina
Patronage
insanity; lunatics; madness; mental disorders; mental handicaps; mental health caregivers; mental health professionals; mental illness; mentally ill people; psychiatrists; therapists
Just what on earth “natural causes” would be when you can levitate and smell sin is beyond my imagination …
*okay, so that image is the WRONG CHRISTINA. But check HER bio out - wowsa! Daddy Urban was one bad motherfucker!
Saint Christina was the daughter of a rich and powerful magistrate named Urban. Her father, who was deep in the practices of paganism, had a number of golden idols. His young daughter broke them, then distributed the pieces among the poor. (”Here kids, have some busted statues!”) Infuriated by this act, Urban became the persecutor of his own daughter. He had her whipped with rods and thrown into a dungeon. Christina remained unshaken in her faith. Her tormentor brought her forth to have her body torn by iron hooks, then fastened to a rack beneath which a fire was kindled. But God watched over His servant and turned the flames back toward the onlookers, several of whom perished.
The torments to which this young girl was subjected would seem as difficult to devise as to imagine; but God was beside her at all times. After a heavy stone was attached to her neck, Saint Christina was thrown into the lake of Bolsena, but was rescued by an Angel and seen wearing a stole (!) and walking on the water, accompanied by several Angels. Her father, hearing she was still alive, died suddenly amid atrocious sufferings. A new judge succeeded him, a cruel pagan experienced in persecuting the Christians. He tried to win her by reminding her of her nobility, suggesting she was in serious error. Her reply infuriated him: “Christ, whom you despise, will tear me out of your hands!” Then Saint Christina suffered the most inhuman torments. The second judge also was struck down by divine justice. A third one named Julian, succeeded him. “Magician!” he cried, “adore the gods, or I will put you to death!” She survived a raging furnace, after remaining in it for five days. Serpents and vipers thrown into her prison did not touch her, but killed the magician who had brought them there. She sent them away in the name of Christ, after restoring the unfortunate magician to life; he was converted and thanked the God of Christina and the Saint. Then her tongue was cut out.
The Saint prayed to be allowed to finish her course. When she was pierced with arrows, she gained the martyr’s crown at Tyro, a city which formerly stood on an island in the lake of Bolsena in Italy, but has since been swallowed up by the waters. Her relics are now at Palermo in Sicily. Her tomb was discovered in the 19th century at Bolsena, marked with an inscription dating from the 10th century.
Do her relics include her stole?
Oh, it’s The Baby Jesus! I love The Baby Jesus … look at his precious blond curls. I like to use “The Baby Jesus” as compliment or a nickname, like when I say to the pup, “You’re just like The Baby Jesus, aren’t you?” Or sometimes, as an adjective: “Aren’t you just so Baby Jesus?”
Marky just emailed me: My protestant neighbor gal asked me at age 7, “Is that Shirley Temple? “
Now, The Baby Jesus ain’t no Infant of Prague - the ultimate drag queen! Marky’s grandma had one that she’d dress up in appropriate religious-seasonal outfits.
(Mark writes: My Polish Gram would scream at us kids if she saw us messing with her Infant of Prague doll, and playing “Imperial margarine commercial” with his little crown on our heads. She’d yell: “That doll is NOT a toy!”)
We also called the IOP “The Baby Jesus” but he was a different “Baby Jesus” than the blond cherub. A few years ago I came across an Infant of Prague shrine in, I think, Oklahoma. When I went in and told the woman I was from Boston, I thought she was going to genuflect. “There’s not many of us here,” she said to me in what I thought was a tone of relief. I stocked up on magnets and postcards.
The IOP statue in my parents’ bedroom was one early source of OCD for me, because my mother told me that it was given to them as a wedding gift (can you imagine opening that present up? I would have screamed!) and were told, “Always keep a dime under the Baby Jesus and you won’t end up in the poorhouse.” I compulsively checked under the statue to be sure the dime was there and we wouldn’t end up in the poorhouse.
