Lethal Dose

The “Poor Gabors” were found guilty! And have already started to pay for their crimes - in beauty:

That was then …

this is now.

She and Helen Golay, who was convicted of all four counts Wednesday, were accused of plucking Kenneth McDavid and Paul Vados off the streets, putting them up in apartments for two years and then having them run over in dark alleys. Two years is the period after which most insurance policies cannot be contested. Golay faces life in prison without the possibility of parole. She buried her head in her hands after the jury’s decision was read.

No doubt thinking of spending the rest of her life without hair and makeup - that is punishment!

Wishing she had stayed in the hair-removal business?

Rutterschmidt could be sentenced to 25 years to life on the conspiracy conviction. As the verdict was returned, she put her chin on her fist and looked blankly around the small, softly lighted courtroom.

The jury, which received the case late Monday, will continue deliberating the remaining counts against Rutterschmidt today. Golay’s attorney, Roger Jon Diamond, indicated that she would appeal. “The ladies did not do very well today,” he said.

“What now?”

It’s Friday and I need some PL to finish up my second week of rejoining the workforce. I heard that PL was alive and well and living in London … I hope she googles herself and finds her online fans. I wonder if she knows she’s had such an effect on so many of us?

From “The Beautiful People’s Beauty Book”, page 105:
“Putting a Total Look Together”

“When I stepped out of the elevator in a Houston office building last winter, a man stopped and stared. “Honey,” he drawled, “you sure don’t look Texan.” I take this as proof that there really is a contemporary Italian look. Just after the war it was bosom and bottom and pointed shoes with spike heels. Now, it is just as easy to spot, but harder to define: a way with accessories, a good head of hair, a straight nose, a well-defined eye, a sense of sustaining bone under the surface. There is an open quality to the Italian face, a gaze that says, “I am ready to enjoy whatever falls into the net.”

Sadly, PL, I work in Beverly Hills, where the hair is false, the straight nose is via the plastic surgeon and there is a distinct lack of sustaining bone. What should I do? And what’s wrong with bosom and pointed shoes with spike heels?

From “Luciana Avedon’s Body Book,” (after she divorced the Prince and married her book
editor.) I have to say, she looks fantastic in all the photos - she’s in a white bikini, with her frosted blonde hair and tanned, somewhat oiled physique. Let’s turn to page 30:

“Isn’t Housework Exercise in Itself?”

Some housework may also be exercise, but not the kind that keeps you beautiful. Making beds never helped anyone’s inner thighs; washing dishes does not firm the behind.

Magazine articles that explain how housework can do marvels for your figure strike me as the ultimate con. It is bad enough to have to clean house and boring enough to exercise. Prologing both by combining them is strictly for Ms. Masochist. Furthermore, unless you keep the refrigerator door shut, all those pliés, jetés, and pas de deux you do with the mop wind up as extra pounds.

So, she’s basically saying what she says in “The Beautiful People’s Diet Book” - don’t eat and get someone else to do your cleaning. PL, you’ve done it again.

photo from Shorpy.

For all of you eager for details: we walked by the swinger party. They had a red carpet and an awning - looks like Mr. Horner had hired a photog! There were two red directors chairs on the open porch (I likened them to thrones) and what seemed to be valets on the lawn. It obviously wasn’t in full swing yet … oh, bad pun. We went by the next morning but not a creature was stirring. The red carpet, awning, directors chairs, and orange parking cones remain.

Big Lou had us over for a fantastic Southern New Year meal and we rang in ‘08 in style. I’m not one for resolutions, so let’s turn to one of our favorites, Princess Luciana, for some advice to those who may have overindulged:

“Shock Dieting,” p. 63, “Exit Fat City,” The Beautiful People’s Diet Book:

“The patient who wants to reduce has a consultation to determine the nature of his compulsive eating. (I like how she writes “his.”) Peanuts, potatoes, doughnuts, ice cream — whatever it is you cannot resist is offered to you in bulk. Electrodes are wired to your hand and for each bite you take, the therapists give you a shock. Furthermore, at initial one-hour sessions, you are not allowed to stop eating. You may even be told to to just smell the food and still get shocks. Some patients are encouraged to continue the treatment at home by acquiring a portable shocker.”

I wonder where these places were? Did they just have storerooms full of doughnuts?

Oh, I finally made a flickr album. It’s here.

And I’m getting around to my “how I lost my last job” blog. It’s getting really good!

Oh Princess Luciana! I can’t find out any info if you are alive or dead, but then again, does it really matter? I can just consult one of your books for an answer to my most pressing problems.

“Dear P.L.,

With the holiday season here, I feel just horrible! I am working out harder than ever, but I can feel those pesky pounds piling on. What’s a duchess to do?”

Let’s turn to page 61 of “The Beautiful People’s Diet Book, chapter “Exit Fat City.”

“One of the major difficulties, i suppose, in losing weight in normal life* is that the whole process is such a bore. On the other hand, so is being fat. It is not heroid to stop eating too much; on the contrary, I would say it is common sense, and while the initial phase of stringent dieting takes willpower, once you have redimensioned our attitude towards food, you body will redimension itself. The basic line of attack is not on spare tire, fat bottom, and pot belly; instead you first come to grips with faulty thinking - you get the right amount and the right kind of food on the brain. I have listed various drastic, limited, or tedious reducing techniques more for their shock value than for practical results. It does not matter how the message gets to the mind as long as it gets there: totting up calories with the satisfaction of Donald Duck’s Uncle Scrooge counting his dollars; the drama and suspense of fatsing; special injections and intravenous feedings; the total elimination of certain foods for the compensation of eating to satiety on others … depending on the way your mind fucntions, you choose whatever convinces you that less is more.

If you are really desperate, you can even turn to the last-ditch therapies of shock treatment or surgery - the latter for reducing specific body areas and the former, as far as I can see, for reducing the brain.”

Well, I am desperate … but if I’m lobotomized, will I care if I need to lose 5 lbs?

*That would be us - the common people. P.L. is not bothered by such problems, but thankfully has volunteered to graciously share her secrets with us - sort of a charity.

P.L. ponders the boredom of other people’s weight loss.

P.L. after leaving a luncheon where she refrained from all forms of food.

From “The Beautiful People’s Beauty Book,” page 145:

“Personally I prefer to avoid this sort of dependency. Specific predictions can play strange tricks on you. Once a famous Roman astrologer told me I was apt to lose something very precious the following month. I rushed out and heavily insured my jewels, furs,and other valuables. It cost a fortune. By the middle of the next month, I was on edge and sleeping badly. My face and and nerves were a wreck. So the stars proved true: I lost my favorite man of the moment.”

I wonder if it was Prince Pig?

Naturally, she goes on to recommend another astrologer, and the next chapter is devoted to her.

She writes: “Whilst working at my new job, I came across a new source of inspiration:

It’s all hairdos and philosophy! Along with Princess Luciana and Zolar, Mr. Ray is now among the pantheon of mortals that have risen to the height (and some of those ‘dos are UP there!) of Higher Powers! Praise be to Ava and the Gay Dolphin as well–they are also worshipped in MoreManism!”

MoreManism is our religion - Mavis and I invented it ourselves after finding other cults too focused on others. Why not? The only rituals you’ll have to attend are at places like the beauty salon, spa, or esthetician, and our sacred literature is easy to read - if you can’t find any copies of Princess Luciana’s books online (like we did, for only ONE PENNY!), just read any of the entries in PL category here … but, really, any old beauty book will do! And now with the discovery of the lost scrolls of Mr. Ray, we have even more inspirational reading for our canon.

Sacred MoreMan Saints include: Ava Gardner, Jayne Mansfield, Bette Davis, Big and Little Edie Beale, Serge Gainsbourg, Dean Martin, Elvis Presley, Kitty Carlisle, The Lady Reed, Criswell, and a few living saints, such as Tura Satana and Liz Taylor.

“The Gay Dolphin,” much like Ponce de Leon’s fabled fountain of youth, is our own font of wisdom, an oracle if you will, whose prophecies we have followed since first discovering its location some years ago.

You can learn about MoreManism through the following “educational” films: Faster Pussycat Kill! Kill!, Grey Gardens, The Wild Wild World of Jayne Mansfield, Boom!, The Barefoot Contessa, Blue Velvet, Female Trouble, Dolemite, and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (a mere short list.) Also, some of the MoreManism philosophy can be found in any tv shows created by Paul Henning (Beverly Hillbillies, Green Acres), Bewitched, Gilligan’s Island (focus on Ginger), The Wild Wild West, Twin Peaks, Sanford and Son (any LaWanda Page eps!) or The Tom Jones Show, for starters.

Update: seems “Mr Ray” also has a line of products!

Narcissism describes the character trait of self love.

The word is derived from a Greek myth. Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who rejected the desperate advances of the nymph Echo. As punishment, he was doomed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus pined away and changed into the flower that bears his name, the narcissus.

Freud believed that some narcissism is an essential part of all of us from birth and was the first to use the term in the reference to psychology.[1]

Andrew Morrison claims that, in adults, a reasonable amount of healthy narcissism allows the individual’s perception of his needs to be balanced in relation to others[2].

In psychology and psychiatry, excessive narcissism is recognized as a severe personality dysfunction or personality disorder, most characteristically Narcissistic Personality Disorder, also referred to as NPD.

The terms “narcissism”, “narcissistic” and “narcissist” are often used as pejoratives, denoting vanity, conceit, egotism or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.

Wait … those are bad? Oh no! What would Princess Luciana say? Let me turn to the sacred bible, “The Beautiful People’s Beauty Book,” to find a suitable passage in response.

p. 106:

” When I stepped off the elevator in Houston, along with Italian bag and shoes I was wearing an English dress, Kenny Lane and Bulgari jewels, and French panty-hose. Doubtless my hairstyle was “made in Italy” and so was my makeup, although the technique for the application of the latter may have been suggested by a Belgian specialist. Put them all together, they still spell R-O-M-A-N.

Whatever the components, I meant the effect to be as appealing as possible … why should chic and knowledgeable beauty in any way detract from manners and decency?”

all hail Princess L!

For what memorial day means to me, click here.

For what it means to me this very second, I quote:

Polymorphic light eruption is a common rash that occurs as a result of photosensitivity. Polymorphic light eruption (PMLE) generally occurs in adult females aged 20 to 40, although it sometimes affects children and rarely males. It is more common in places where sun exposure is uncommon, such as Northern Europe, where it is said to affect 10% of women holidaying in the Mediterranean. It can be the first sign of lupus erythematosus, but this is not usually the case. The name ‘polymorphic’, or ‘polymorphous’ refers to the fact that the rash can take many forms, although in one individual it usually looks the same every time it appears. The commonest variety is crops of 2-5 mm pink or red raised spots occurring on the arms. Other areas may be involved, particularly the chest and lower legs, but the face is usually spared*.

*Oh thank you Princess Luciana, who I’m convinced must be dead by now, because she is obviously my patron saint. After hanging at my little cabin in the high desert last week, then lounging all day yesterday at Malibu (SPF 60! umbrella! hat!), my own personal ‘curse of Job’ has returned. I will have to call the dermatologist first thing. I hope I get to undergo some kind of “treatment.”

If it wasn’t for a 24 hour marathon of Bob Dylan’s theme time radio hour (my own personal church … I want to give up everything and just follow Bob forever, as he plays music and gives me little tidbits about life that I never knew,) my weekend would be … dare I say the word … UGLY. (I shudder just writing it!)

In today’s news:

Fasting programs are getting more popular, but watch out for the risks

Popular detox diets promise to flush poisons from your body, purge pounds of excess fat, clear your complexion and bolster your immune system.

But experts say there’s little evidence that extreme regimens such as the Master Cleanse or Fruit Flush do anything more than lead to unpleasant, unhealthy side effects.

Beyonce Knowles attributed her 20-pound weight loss for the movie “Dreamgirls” to the Master Cleanse — a starvation diet whose adherents swallow nothing but a concoction of lemon juice mixed with maple syrup, water and cayenne pepper, as well as salt water and a laxative tea for 10 days.

The idea of detoxifying or purifying the body of harmful substances has been around for centuries and cycles back into popularity now and again. There are no hard numbers on how many people have tried the latest fashionable plans, much less stuck with them, but dozens of new do-it-yourself fasting books are glutting bookstore shelves.

Ha! This is nothing new, as our Higher Power Princess Luciana knows. Let’s take a peep today at “The Beautiful People’s Diet Book,” and see what she has to say.

From the chapter “Exit Fat City,” p. 53, Diet Clubs:

“One diet-club alumna, a former actress, Doris Konowe, says: “The thearpy meeting was like having a sex orgy every week - you were obsessed with it. I lost forty pounds, but I put them back on, in part because you have to measure everything when you’re on the club diet.” Well, we know what kind of actress she was!

p. 59:

“In my opinion, the chief result of fasting would be the sudden understanding that you do not need all that food you have been stuffing yourself with … this may sound harsh, but true concern about obesity often requires an element of toughness- commiseration gets you nowhere; the only way to help is to prod.”

and of course my very favorite PL quote:

“For heightened perception without drugs plus rapid weight loss, nothing beats the oldest known treatment for obesity: total starvation.” She continues: “Because of its association with rites of purification and techniques of social protest, fasting long remained the province of fringe groups: you had to be a crank or a hippie. Even now, the Establishment only recognizes the merit of fasting under carefully controlled conditions.”

The photos in this book are brilliant. They’re all of famous people not eating, with captions like: “During a Rothschild party, Gloria Guinness table-hops as a way to avoid gastronomic temptations,” a photo of the skeletal Betsy Bloomingdale captioned: “Anyone can clearly see that BB, partygoing at El Morocco, is a believer in the body beautiful.” She looks like an x-ray! Another is captioned “You can bet that CZ Guest and Baron Alexis de Rede ate sparingly during an informal luncheon at La Brenouille in New York.” CZ and the Baron Alexis’ heads are together, no doubt trying to figure a way to not eat later on. Oddly, the last photo is of Liz, Dick, and a portly Princess Grace - maybe as a warning?

****
PS. Oh Princess, we need you to do an intervention:

good lord! i just snapped this outside of trader joe’s. i wished i could have gotten closer but my phone makes that ‘camera’ sound. i wanted to rush up to her and shove princess luciana’s books in her hand, but instead, i had to squeeze by her as she diligently read the bus schedule. i finally had to say “excuse me,” but to no avail and my right side was forced halfway into a shrub.