Lethal Dose

Hey, the Chocolate Jesus returns - and with some new pals. Sounds like they’ve already suffered some persecution, being nibbled at by mice and all:

The exhibit, at the Proposition Gallery in Manhattan, will be accompanied by a set of chocolate Catholic icons created by Cavallaro, a group that includes the Virgin Mary and saints Francis, Augustine, Michael, Jude, Anthony and Fermin.

“After the cancellation of the show, it got me to look into the Catholic religion a little deeper,” Cavallero said. “I started thinking about the saints, how they were ostracized for their beliefs and then canonized.”

Cavallaro’s work features Christ with outstretched arms, as though hanging from an invisible cross. Unlike traditional religious depictions of Christ, Cavallaro’s Jesus lacks a loincloth.

The sculpture is actually a new version of “My Sweet Lord,” created with 200 pounds of chocolate over three days. The original was stored in a Brooklyn facility where mice nibbled away at its hands, ears, nose and feet, forcing Cavallaro to toss the original and recast the sculpture.

(Sure it wasn’t Saint Vermin?)

Let’s break down this little Whitman’s Sampler of Catholics and see who’s who, with assorted flavor guesses:

St. Francis: He of the animals. He fed poor people and wasn’t even really a monk, but the Church pretended he was after he was dead so they could keep him in the family. You know he’s deliciously sweet milk chocolate from Italy.

St. Augustine: No, not patron saint of retirees. St Augustine of Hippo (which is what you’ll become if you eat a lot of chocolate saints) “framed the concepts of original sin and just war. In addition he believed in Papal supremacy.” No! He’s obviously the hollow, milk-chocolate version with blue sugar-candy eyeballs.

St. Michael: He’s a badass: his name was said to have been the war-cry of the angels in the battle fought in heaven against Satan and his followers. My guess is bitter chocolate.

St. Jude: Patron saint of lost causes and those who put “thank you St Jude” ads in the back of newspapers. Most likely old, crumbly Russell Stover-variety with some undefined pink-creme filling that an aging relative would give you.

St. Anthony: Patron saint of lost keys. And he hangs with the Baby Jesus! My personal favorite and probably filled with a luscious hazelnut cream, like “Baci” candies.

St. Fermin: I’ve never even heard of him! “Fermin is the co-patron of Pamplona, where his feast, the ‘San Fermín’, is forever associated with the Encierro or ‘Running of the Bulls’ … martyred (traditionally in 257 AD), by being tied to a bull by his feet and dragged to his death” - ouch! You know he’s one of those icky cherry-filled gloopy candies you see at the store, but never buy, because it looks like drool.

The Virgin Mary: Oh come on, you know her! The purest of chocolate with a grace filling, natch, however, it contains heavy preservatives: “Roman Catholics believe in the Immaculate Conception of Mary, namely that she was filled with grace from the very moment of her conception in her mother’s womb and preserved from the stain of original sin.” On that note, it will not stain any clothing.