Happy Bday to me

Filed under:Daily Trash — posted by Donna Lethal on October 29, 2007 @ 11:29 am

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Ps. Marky did the Porter Wagoner tribute blog. I can’t bring myself to do one.

Card by Michael Abbott/Asylum Pictures.

Others who share my bday: Kate “Sabrina the Smart Angel” Jackson, Fanny Brice (Baby Snooks), Winona “I’m not a klepto, I just forgot my bag” Ryder, and some others too unsavory to name. Some sites say Bela Lugosi - I wish!

Fittingly, “96 Tears” by ? and the Mysterians was #1 when I was born. In the UK, it was “Reach Out I’ll Be There,” by the Four Tops.

A selection of Deaths which occurred on October 29:
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh is executed in London
1957 Louis B Mayer MGM producer, dies at 71
1963 Adolphe Menjou actor (Front Page, Star is Born), dies at 73
1971 Duane Allman dies at 24 in a motorcycle accident

Here’s some fun bday events:

On this day…

539 -BC- Babylon falls to Cyrus the Great of Persia
1727 Severe earthquake in New England (Wow! A prophecy perhaps?)
1787 The opera “Don Giovanni” is produced (Prague)
1889 NY Giants (NL) beat Brooklyn (AA) in world series 6 games to 3
1923 “Runnin’ Wild” (introducing the Charleston) opens on Broadway
1924 “Dixie to Broadway,” opens at Broadhurst Theater
1929 “Black Tuesday,” Stock Market crashes triggers “Great Depression”
1932 French liner Normandie is launched
1945 1st ball point pen goes on sale, 57 years after it was patented
1956 Chet Huntley & David Brinkley, NBC News, team up
1960 Muhammad Ali’s (Cassius Clay’s) 1st professional fight, beats Tunney Hunsaker in 6
1963 “Meet the Beatles” booklet is published
1964 Star of India & other jewels are stolen in NY
1966 National Organization of Women founded
1975 Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffer kills first
1979 Billy Martin fired as Yankee manager (2nd time)
1982 Car maker John DeLorean indicted for drug trafficking, later acquitted
1982 Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson release “The Girl is Mine”
1988 China announces a herbal male contraceptive
1989 NYC MTA opens the 63rd street extension to the subway
1990 30 die in a (5.7) earthquake in Algeria

Glen or Glenda? (Glamour or Goblin?)

Filed under:It's a John Waters World — posted by Donna Lethal on October 27, 2007 @ 1:10 pm

Aren’t we there already? Hell, I live in Los Angeles, so it sure seems like it to me. Tho I often have a hard time distinguishing between the glamorous and the goblins.

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Glamour or Goblin? Or is it Goblin or Glamour? Tod Browning had it right!

The human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures, according to a top scientist.

100,000 years into the future, sexual selection could mean that two distinct breeds of human will have developed.

The alarming prediction comes from evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry from the London School of Economics, who says that the human race will have reached its physical peak by the year 3000.

These humans will be between 6ft and 7ft tall and they will live up to 120 years.
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“Physical features will be driven by indicators of health, youth and fertility that men and women have evolved to look for in potential mates,” says the report, which suggests that advances in cosmetic surgery and other body modifying techniques will effectively homogenise our appearance.

Men will have symmetrical facial features, deeper voices and bigger penises, according to Curry in a report commissioned for men’s satellite TV channel Bravo.

Women will all have glossy hair, smooth hairless skin, large eyes and pert breasts, according to Curry.

Racial differences will be a thing of the past as interbreeding produces a single coffee-coloured skin tone.

The future for our descendants isn’t all long life, perfect bodies and chiselled features, however.

While humans will reach their peak in 1000 years’ time, 10,000 years later our reliance on technology will have begun to dramatically change our appearance.

Medicine will weaken our immune system and we will begin to appear more child-like.

Dr Curry said: “The report suggests that the future of man will be a story of the good, the bad and the ugly.”

Thanks to Jeremy Smears at World Famous in SF for this one!

Padre Pio faked it?!

Filed under:Daily Trash, lethal hall of shame, lethal music, mistakes — posted by Donna Lethal on October 24, 2007 @ 9:01 am

No! Marky and I love him … the oozing stigmata for years … he was like a zombie movie come to life. I hope it’s not true. It really does seem like way too much work.

Italy’s Padre Pio ‘faked his stigmata with acid’

By Malcolm Moore in Rome
Last Updated: 2:36am BST 24/10/2007

Padre Pio, Italy’s most-loved saint, faked his stigmata by pouring carbolic acid on his hands, according to a new book.

The Other Christ: Padre Pio and 19th Century Italy, by the historian Sergio Luzzatto, draws on a document found in the Vatican’s archive. The document reveals the testimony of a pharmacist who said that the young Padre Pio bought four grams of carbolic acid in 1919.
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Pio: in matching stigmata, flowers and robe, spring collection.

“I was an admirer of Padre Pio and I met him for the first time on 31 July 1919,” wrote Maria De Vito.

She claimed to have spent a month with the priest in the southern town of San Giovanni Rotondo, seeing him often. “Padre Pio called me to him in complete secrecy and telling me not to tell his fellow brothers, he gave me personally an empty bottle, and asked if I would act as a chauffeur to transport it back from Foggia to San Giovanni Rotondo with four grams of pure carbolic acid.

“He explained that the acid was for disinfecting syringes for injections. He also asked for other things, such as Valda pastilles.”

The testimony was originally presented to the Vatican by the Archbishop of Manfredonia, Pasquale Gagliardi, as proof that Padre Pio caused his own stigmata with acid. It was examined by the Holy See during the beatification process of Padre Pio and apparently dismissed.

Padre Pio, whose real name was Francesco Forgione, died in 1968. He was made a saint in 2002. A recent survey in Italy showed that more people prayed to him than to Jesus or the Virgin Mary. He exhibited stigmata throughout his life, starting in 1911.

The new allegations were greeted with an instant dismissal from his supporters. The Catholic Anti-Defamation League said Mr Luzzatto was a liar and was “spreading anti-Catholic libels”.

Pietro Siffi, the president of the League, said: “We would like to remind Mr Luzzatto that according to Catholic doctrine, canonisation carries with it papal infallibility.

“We would like to suggest to Mr Luzzatto that he dedicates his energies to studying religion properly.”

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Valda Pastilles: have one with your stigmata today!

“Gladys Glitter”

Filed under:lethal hall of fame — posted by Donna Lethal on October 23, 2007 @ 2:12 pm

We just discovered Bobbie McGee.

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Read more here.

‘The more crimes one commits, the more ravishing one becomes!’

Filed under:It's a John Waters World — posted by Donna Lethal on October 18, 2007 @ 10:40 am

Securitas robber ‘disguised with bra strap’

By Bonnie Malkin and agencies
Last Updated: 4:08pm BST 18/10/2007

A make-up artist has described how she used her bra straps and baby bottle teats to disguise one of the alleged £53 million Securitas robbers. Michelle Hogg’s account sparked laughter in the Old Bailey when she explained her methods to the jury. Hogg, 32, was giving evidence against a group of men alleged to have taken part in Britain’s biggest cash robbery in Tonbridge, Kent in February, last year.

She was formally cleared of involvement in the crime two weeks ago after the prosecution accepted her account that she did not know why she had been asked to provide masks and disguises. (”No reason … no reason at all.”) She is now a prosecution witness and in dramatic scenes began giving evidence yesterday.

After making alterations to the false hair and beard, one alleged robber, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was still not satisfied, she said.

He complained that he had been make to look “like a black Father Christmas”, she said.

“He wanted his nose flatter so I used rubber baby teats. The ends were cut off and I put them up his nostrils.

“That made his nose look flatter and wider with flared arches,” said Miss Hogg.

“I also pinned his eyes back. I used the straps from my bra.”

She was interrupted by prosecuting QC Sir John Nutting who asked: “You used what?”

Hogg answered: “I used the straps from my bra. First ribbon and cotton were brought to the house but they did not work. “Being creative, I thought what else could I use, so I thought my bra because it is elastic.”

The judge, Mr Justice Penry-Davey asked: “What did you do with them?”

She answered: “I attached it on his scalp and under his hair to make his eyes look slanted. It gave him slanted, oriental eyes.” She then demonstrated how she attached the ends on either side of the head and pulled the elastic behind the head.

Maybe it was the Tidy Bowl man.

Filed under:It's a John Waters World — posted by Donna Lethal on October 17, 2007 @ 11:13 am

SCRANTON, Pa. (AP) - Talk about a potty mouth.

A Scranton woman who allegedly shouted profanities at her overflowing toilet within earshot of a neighbor was cited for disorderly conduct. Dawn Herb could face up to 90 days in jail and a fine of up to $300.

“It doesn’t make any sense. I was in my house. It’s not like I was outside or drunk,” Herb told The Times-Tribune of Scranton. “The toilet was overflowing and leaking down into the kitchen and I was yelling (for my daughter) to get the mop.”

Herb doesn’t recall exactly what she said, but she admitted letting more than a few choice words fly near an open bathroom window Thursday night. Her next-door neighbor, a city police officer who was off-duty at the time, asked her to keep it down, police said. When she continued, the officer called police, who charged Herb with disorderly conduct. Mary Catherine Roper, an attorney with the American Civil Liberties Union in Philadelphia, took issue with the citation.

“You can’t prosecute somebody for swearing at a cop or a toilet,” she said. “We bring one of these cases a year and sue some police departments because they do not remember that they are not the language police.

Oh, I wish Judge Wapner was still on! One of my favorite episodes was one I called “Wig in the Toilet.”

***

Wow! I have to read the Pennsylvania papers more often - who knew it was so sordid? And the names are just great.

An Eldred Township woman was arrested Tuesday on charges of allegedly soliciting her ex-husband’s girlfriend to try to kill the man by spiking his drink with a drug, according to state police.

Patricia A. Reiman, 42, of 2941 Lick Run Road, was bitter over the divorce initiated by her husband, David, and allegedly solicited Anna Anae to spike the ex-husband’s coffee with cocaine, Trooper Brad Eisenhower said.

“This whole case is very unusual, especially since she (Patricia) would contact the victim’s girlfriend,” Eisenhower admitted after the accused was taken into custody at her home.

Patricia Reiman allegedly bought cocaine for “the sole purpose of giving it to Anae so she would put it in his coffee at breakfast this (Tuesday) morning,” Eisenhower said.

Patricia knew her husband had a heart condition, and she thought the spiked coffee with the cocaine would cause “his heart to possibly explode and kill him,” Eisenhower alleged.

“Patricia Reiman told Anae that she wanted David Reiman to die,” the investigator said.

The case became even more bizarre Tuesday night, police said, when Patricia Reiman’s boyfriend, Richard Allen Kepner, 37, allegedly threatened David Reiman.

Patricia Reiman allegedly began plotting the murder with Anae about a month ago, Eisenhower said, adding that the two women “are friendly with one another.” Unknown to Patricia, Anae was sharing the conversations with David Reiman, Eisenhower said. “The girlfriend played along with it real well,” Eisenhower said. “The girlfriend told the accused that the victim treated her and the kids badly.”

The Reimans were married in 1993 and had shared custody of a 13-year-old child and an adopted 21-month-old toddler following their divorce in the last year Eisenhower said.

“Initially, I think the girlfriend and the victim thought she (Patricia) was joking around, but last week when he (David) overheard a conversation his girlfriend was having with his ex-wife, he realized she was serious, and he called us,” Eisenhower said.

Anae faces no charges because she has been cooperating with police “through this whole thing,” Eisenhower said. Investigators used a wiretap on Friday to record a telephone conversation Anae had with the accused about spiking the victim’s coffee with an unknown drug. The next day, Patricia called Anae and told her that she had obtained the drug, but she never told the woman what the drug was, Eisenhower said.

Again, after police wiretapped Anae’s telephone, the girlfriend called Patricia late Monday afternoon and the two women agreed to meet about an hour later on North Loyalsock Avenue in Montoursville, where Patricia Reiman allegedly handed the drug to Anae, Eisenhower said.

Troopers watched at a distance as the drug transaction took place, Eisenhower said, adding that Anae was wearing a hidden recording device. “The defendant provided Anae with about two grams of cocaine and told her that it was more than a normal person would take. She told her it would create heart palpitations, triggering a heart attack,” Eisenhower said.

After breakfast Tuesday morning at the couple’s home on Losch Lane in Piatt Township, Anae called Patricia Reiman and told the woman that she put the cocaine in David’s coffee and that David was dead, Eisenhower said. This conversation also was recorded, Eisenhower said, but he declined to disclose Patricia’s reaction to the false information.

When she first arrived for her arraignment, Patricia Reiman was calm and collected, but the moment she saw a newspaper photographer, she lost her composure. She sobbed as District Judge Kenneth T. Schriner Jr. read the charges that Eisenhower had filed, which included criminal solicitation to commit murder, criminal solicitation to commit aggravated assault, possession with intent to deliver cocaine and possession of cocaine. Patricia Reiman was automatically committed to the County Prison without bail.

Her boyfriend, Kepner, joined her at the jailed following his arraignment before District Judge James H. Sortman on charges of intimidation of a witness, a felony, terroristic threats and harassment.

“If Patricia goes down because of you, I’m going to kill you. You’re done,” Kepner allegedly told David Reiman.

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Lost her composure? No doubt it was because she was caught without makeup!

Chocolate Jesus and Saints!

Filed under:baby jesus, saints — posted by Donna Lethal on @ 10:08 am

Hey, the Chocolate Jesus returns - and with some new pals. Sounds like they’ve already suffered some persecution, being nibbled at by mice and all:

The exhibit, at the Proposition Gallery in Manhattan, will be accompanied by a set of chocolate Catholic icons created by Cavallaro, a group that includes the Virgin Mary and saints Francis, Augustine, Michael, Jude, Anthony and Fermin.

“After the cancellation of the show, it got me to look into the Catholic religion a little deeper,” Cavallero said. “I started thinking about the saints, how they were ostracized for their beliefs and then canonized.”

Cavallaro’s work features Christ with outstretched arms, as though hanging from an invisible cross. Unlike traditional religious depictions of Christ, Cavallaro’s Jesus lacks a loincloth.

The sculpture is actually a new version of “My Sweet Lord,” created with 200 pounds of chocolate over three days. The original was stored in a Brooklyn facility where mice nibbled away at its hands, ears, nose and feet, forcing Cavallaro to toss the original and recast the sculpture.

(Sure it wasn’t Saint Vermin?)

Let’s break down this little Whitman’s Sampler of Catholics and see who’s who, with assorted flavor guesses:

St. Francis: He of the animals. He fed poor people and wasn’t even really a monk, but the Church pretended he was after he was dead so they could keep him in the family. You know he’s deliciously sweet milk chocolate from Italy.

St. Augustine: No, not patron saint of retirees. St Augustine of Hippo (which is what you’ll become if you eat a lot of chocolate saints) “framed the concepts of original sin and just war. In addition he believed in Papal supremacy.” No! He’s obviously the hollow, milk-chocolate version with blue sugar-candy eyeballs.

St. Michael: He’s a badass: his name was said to have been the war-cry of the angels in the battle fought in heaven against Satan and his followers. My guess is bitter chocolate.

St. Jude: Patron saint of lost causes and those who put “thank you St Jude” ads in the back of newspapers. Most likely old, crumbly Russell Stover-variety with some undefined pink-creme filling that an aging relative would give you.

St. Anthony: Patron saint of lost keys. And he hangs with the Baby Jesus! My personal favorite and probably filled with a luscious hazelnut cream, like “Baci” candies.

St. Fermin: I’ve never even heard of him! “Fermin is the co-patron of Pamplona, where his feast, the ‘San Fermín’, is forever associated with the Encierro or ‘Running of the Bulls’ … martyred (traditionally in 257 AD), by being tied to a bull by his feet and dragged to his death” - ouch! You know he’s one of those icky cherry-filled gloopy candies you see at the store, but never buy, because it looks like drool.

The Virgin Mary: Oh come on, you know her! The purest of chocolate with a grace filling, natch, however, it contains heavy preservatives: “Roman Catholics believe in the Immaculate Conception of Mary, namely that she was filled with grace from the very moment of her conception in her mother’s womb and preserved from the stain of original sin.” On that note, it will not stain any clothing.

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Saint of the Week: Saint Agatha

Filed under:saints — posted by Donna Lethal on October 15, 2007 @ 4:10 pm

Patron saint of bells (tho it really should be breasts, in honor Natl Breast Cancer month) and fire! Hell’s Bells!
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Following a familiar theme, our Saint of the Week starts out with the usual born-into-privilege-and-pledged-to-God business:

She belonged to a rich, important family. When she was young, she dedicated her life to God and resisted any men who wanted to marry her or have sex with her. One of these men, Quintian, was of a high enough rank that he felt he could force her to acquiesce. Knowing she was a Christian in a time of persecution, he had her arrested and brought before the judge - - himself. He expected her to give in to when faced with torture and possible death, but she simply affirmed her belief in God by praying: “Jesus Christ, Lord of all, you see my heart, you know my desires. Possess all that I am. I am your sheep: make me worthy to overcome the devil.”

I don’t think calling yourself a sheep is a good way to avoid sex with a guy that would take you to court. He’s obviously not in his right mind to begin with! Look what smarty-pants Quintain does next:

Quintian imprisoned her in a brothel in order to get her to change her mind. Quintian brought her back before him after she had suffered a month of assault and humiliation in the brothel, but Agatha had never wavered, proclaiming that her freedom came from Jesus. Quintian sent her to prison, instead of back to the brothel — a move intended to make her more afraid, but which probably was a great relief to her. When she continued to profess her faith in Jesus, Quintian had her tortured. He refused her any medical care but God gave her all the care she needed in the form of a vision of St. Peter. When she was tortured again, she died after saying a final prayer: “Lord, my Creator, you have always protected me from the cradle; you have taken me from the love of the world and given me patience to suffer. Receive my soul.”

Who is this guy Quintian and wasn’t anyone else around? Imprisoning someone in a brothel is not really the way to get someone to have sex with you. One entry says:

“On her appearance, Quintianus gave orders for her being put into the hands of Aphrodisia, a most wicked woman, who, with six daughters, all prostitutes, kept a common stew.”

I like this version better, at least she’s with other women and they have food. The good thing with saints is that you can shop for the versions you like. One says she got away without any torture at all:

Legend has it that Agatha was arrested as a Christian, tortured and sent to a house of prostitution to be mistreated. She was preserved from being violated, and was later put to death.

That’s no fun, so let’s get back to the bad news:

Because one of the tortures she supposedly suffered was to have her breasts cut off, she was often depicted carrying her breasts on a plate. It is thought that blessing of the bread that takes place on her feast may have come from the mistaken notion that she was carrying loaves of bread. Because she was asked for help during the eruption of Mount Etna she is considered a protector against the outbreak of fire. She is also considered the patroness of bellmakers for an unknown reason — though some speculate it may have something to do with the fact that bells were used as fire alarms.

“NEVER BE BORED AGAIN”

Filed under:Daily Trash, lethal hall of fame — posted by Donna Lethal on October 10, 2007 @ 7:00 pm

How does one accomplish that? By playing this game, of course - unused and still in the box! What kind of sick motherfucker thought this game up?
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oldie but goodie,still shrinkwrapped and never open,an adult mature audience game to be played in a party,you throw the ring at the clown with an erected sex organ .

Instructions at the back,serve drinks to your guests first and then play this game,toast the winner and give gag prizes.

You can play 2 versions,PG with the clown and then the X rated one with an adventuresome (or rather drunk) male guest.

You need to keep track of the points,25 points per person,depends on where the ring ends up,hat is 1,nose is 2,flower is 3,ding is 4 points,when it ends on the DIng,everyone shouts RING ON THE DING! AND ANOTHER ROUND OF DRINKS !

Different point system if you replace the clown with your guest,read all about it.

NEVER USED,STILL IN SHRINK WRAP,SO GO FOR IT,NEVER BE BORED AGAIN

Buy it here. Please, somebody!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ADULT-party-game-RING-A-DING-by-TOPCO-clown-sex-new_W0QQitemZ120170499703QQihZ002QQcategoryZ19106QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

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Cooley Clomps and a Confession

Filed under:It's a John Waters World, cooley clomps — posted by Donna Lethal on October 9, 2007 @ 11:44 am

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketNow that I’ve gotten Howie addicted, it seems that offensive vanity plates are more prevalent than ever. These are just the recent batch:

ORALDOC
SHOTDOC
RGODIS(heart shape)
2TH WOMN
STGMATA (I like that one!)
BABE LUV (a heart where the “U” is) - and on a volvo, too! swinger!

To make it worse, I keep seeing a truck on the freeway called ‘ASPLUNDH.’ Doesn’t that sound like a porn site?

Now I digress as the spillover from vanity plates moves into signage. I saw an incredibly-named barber shop:

HAIRRR’S JOHNNY

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Oh, hair salons are just the best for bad names. I’ve blogged on this before, but Mark reminded me of “Salons of our Youth,” and the incredible “Charlies’ Angels” in our neighborhood, owned by one Charlie, whose vanity plate read “CHARLI.” He had that Herb Alpert-swinger-kinda-looks. I never went to any of those salons, because my aunt was a hairdresser. She looked exactly like Dawn Davenport (and was a lot like her, too.) She had a salon with blue-sparkly-vinyl chairs and I spent almost every Saturday of my childhood there, getting coffee for the ladies or styling my own wig head. If my aunt had time, she’d give me my own mini-updo. There were some great salon names: “Beauty Creators,” (I always pictured Frankenstein’s Lab), “Glamour” that had mod-70s-swirly-faux-Erte design wallpaper (I went there once with my mother who was not loyal to her sister’s scissors), the mysterious “Red Bubble Beauty Salon” which again reminded me of a horror movie (What was it? The measles? The blob?)

But what even Mark doesn’t know is my sick, Wednesday Addams-type game I used to play by prank calling beauty salons. Having spent many Saturdays at my aunt’s, I knew the chaos that ensued when the phone rang and someone called looking for a relative that either had left, or hadn’t shown up at all. The women, cigarettes hanging out of their mouths with blue dye on their heads, in plastic capes, would start yelling at whoever answered the phone: “Dottie went ta pick up her husbind!” “No - she said she was goin to the pahk to get her kid from little league first!” This chaos fueled my game. I’d pick a random salon in the yellow pages and call, pretending to cry. “Is my Mommy there?” I’d make up any sort of medical emergency, probably whatever was on “Emergency,” “Medical Center,” that week: “My sister is having a baby and the ambulance isn’t here!” or “There was an accident” (screaming, and vague on details.) Oh the riot that would happen on the other end of the phone … then of course, I’d hang up at fever pitch.

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