Mavis discovers another book in our bible!

Filed under:Mavis Martini, MoreManIsm, Princess Luciana, lethal hall of fame — posted by Donna Lethal on June 30, 2007 @ 1:14 pm

She writes: “Whilst working at my new job, I came across a new source of inspiration:
Mr Ray - "Golden Styles ..."

It’s all hairdos and philosophy! Along with Princess Luciana and Zolar, Mr. Ray is now among the pantheon of mortals that have risen to the height (and some of those ‘dos are UP there!) of Higher Powers! Praise be to Ava and the Gay Dolphin as well–they are also worshipped in MoreManism!”

MoreManism is our religion - Mavis and I invented it ourselves after finding other cults too focused on others. Why not? The only rituals you’ll have to attend are at places like the beauty salon, spa, or esthetician, and our sacred literature is easy to read - if you can’t find any copies of Princess Luciana’s books online (like we did, for only ONE PENNY!), just read any of the entries in PL category here … but, really, any old beauty book will do! And now with the discovery of the lost scrolls of Mr. Ray, we have even more inspirational reading for our canon.

Sacred MoreMan Saints include: Ava Gardner, Jayne Mansfield, Bette Davis, Big and Little Edie Beale, Serge Gainsbourg, Dean Martin, Elvis Presley, Kitty Carlisle, The Lady Reed, Criswell, and a few living saints, such as Tura Satana and Liz Taylor.

“The Gay Dolphin,” much like Ponce de Leon’s fabled fountain of youth, is our own font of wisdom, an oracle if you will, whose prophecies we have followed since first discovering its location some years ago.

You can learn about MoreManism through the following “educational” films: Faster Pussycat Kill! Kill!, Grey Gardens, The Wild Wild World of Jayne Mansfield, Boom!, The Barefoot Contessa, Blue Velvet, Female Trouble, Dolemite, and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (a mere short list.) Also, some of the MoreManism philosophy can be found in any tv shows created by Paul Henning (Beverly Hillbillies, Green Acres), Bewitched, Gilligan’s Island (focus on Ginger), The Wild Wild West, Twin Peaks, Sanford and Son (any LaWanda Page eps!) or The Tom Jones Show, for starters.

Update: seems “Mr Ray” also has a line of products!

Just Wrong Songs, Part 3

Filed under:just wrong songs — posted by Donna Lethal on June 28, 2007 @ 5:43 pm

Again, Bleuvolt and Fadista come up with the best suggestions. The theme this time seems to be “family.” And calm down everyone, there’s plenty more to come!

Fadista: ‘”Fancy” by Bobbie Gentry - know that one? Mother turns out her daughter!’

“Well, I remember it all very well lookin’ back
It was the summer that I turned eighteen.
We lived in a one-room, run down shack
on the outskirts of New Orleans.

We didn’t have money for food or rent
to say the least we was hard-pressed
when Momma spent every last penny we had
to buy me a dancin’ dress.

Well, Momma washed and combed and curled my hair,
then she painted my eyes and lips.
Then I stepped into the satin dancin’ dress.
It had a split in the side clean up to my hips.

It was red, velvet-trimmed, and it fit me good
and standin’ back from the lookin’ glass
was a woman
where a half grown kid had stood.

She said, “Here’s your last chance, Fancy, don’t let me down!
Here’s your last chance, Fancy, don’t let me down.
God forgive me for what I do,
but if you want out girl it’s up to you.
Now get on out, you better start sleepin’ uptown.”

Momma dabbed a little bit of perfume
on my neck and she kissed my cheek
Then I saw the tears welling up
in her troubled eyes as she started to speak

She looked at our pitiful shack and then
she looked at me and took a ragged breath
She said, Your Pa’s runned off, and I’m real sick
and the baby’s gonna starve to death.

She handed me a heart-shaped locket that said
“To thine own self be true”
and I shivered as I watched a roach crawl across
the toe of my high-healed shoe

It sounded like somebody else was talkin’
askin’, “Momma what do I do?”
She said, “Just be nice to the gentlemen, Fancy.
They’ll be nice to you.”

She said, “Here’s your last chance, Fancy, don’t let me down!
Here’s your last chance, Fancy, don’t let me down.
God forgive me for what I do,
But if you want out girl it’s up to you
Now don’t let me down,
now get on out, you better start sleepin’ uptown.”

That was the last time I saw my momma
when I left that rickety shack
The welfare people came and took the baby.
Momma died and I ain’t been back.

But the wheels of fate had started to turn
and for me there was no other way out.
It wasn’t very long after that I knew exactly
what my momma was talkin’ ’bout.

I knew what I had to do.
Then I made myself this solemn vow:
I’s gonna to be a lady someday
though I didn’t know when or how.

But I couldn’t see spendin’ the rest of my life
with my head hung down in shame.
You know I mighta been born just plain white trash.
but Fancy was my name.

She said, “Here’s your last chance, Fancy, don’t let me down!
Here’s your last chance, Fancy, don’t let me down.
God forgive me for what I do,
but if you want out girl it’s up to you.
Now get on out, you better start sleepin’ uptown.”

Wasn’t long after that a benevolent man
took me in off the streets
One week later I was pourin’ his tea
in a five roomed penthouse suite.

Since then I’ve charmed a king, a congressman
and an occasional aristocrat
and I got me an elegant Georgia mansion
and a New York townhouse flat.

Now I ain’t done bad

Now in this world there’s a lot of self-righteous
hypocrites who call me bad.
They criticize Momma for turning me out
No matter how little we had.

But I haven’t had to worry ’bout nothin’
now for nigh on fifteen years
But I can still hear the desperation
in my poor mommas voice ringin’ in my ears.

“Here’s your last chance, Fancy, don’t let me down!
Oh, here’s your last chance, Fancy, don’t let me down.
God forgive me for what I do,
but if you want out girl it’s up to you.
Now get on out, you better start sleepin’ uptown.”


Fancy and her friend, Fabulous, uptown.

Wow! I thought Patches’ parents were neglectful … not only do they join in the public ridicule of his nickname, they guilt trip him beyond belief:

PATCHES
Clarence Carter

I was born and raised down in Alabama on a farm way back up in the woods. Oh
I was so ragged folks used to call me “Patches”. Papa used to tease me about
it, but deep down inside dad was hurtin’ ’cause he’d done the best he could.

My papa was a great old man
I can see him with a shovel in his hand
Education that he never had
But he did wonders when the times got bad
The little money from the crops we raised
Barely paid the bills we made

Oh life whipped him
Down to the ground
When he tried to get up
Life would kick him back down
On the day papa called me
To his dyin’ bed
Placed his hand on my shoulders
And in tears he said

Patches
I’m depending on you, son
To pull the family through
My son, it’s all left up to you

Two days later papa passed away
And I became a man that day
Everyday I had to work the fields
‘Cause that’s the only way
We got our meals
See, I was the oldest of the family
And everybody was depending on me

Now the years have passed
And everybody’s grown
Mama’s been livin’
In a brand new home
Lord knows it took
A lot of sweat and tears
And my daddy’s voice
To help us through the years
He said -

Patches
I’m depending on you, son
To pull the family through
My son, it’s all left up to you

Daddy had been sick for a long time, flat on his back. Every evenin’ after
we’d finish our chores and eat our dinner, we’d all go into papa’s room to
cheer him up a little. And this particular day dad was in good spirits,
sittin’ on the side of the bed, tellin’ mama how good she looked. When all
of a sudden, papa had a pain in his chest. I was too young to understand,
talkin’ about a heart attack here. Mama rushed us all out of the room into
the hallway. About ten minutes later she came out with tears in her eyes.
She called out to me, “Patches, Patches, get in here, boy. Your daddy wanna
see you.” I went runnin’ into papa’s room, there papa lay. Daddy had tears
in his eyes. I knew something was wrong, daddy was a poor man, but all of my
life he’d been a proud man. I knelt down on one knee beside the bed, papa
put his hand on my shoulder. He said, “Patches, Patches, boy, the hammer of
life done beat your old papa down to the ground, and I ain’t got nobody to
turn to to take care of mama and the younger. So what I want you to do is
promise me, son, is that you’re gonna do your best to help your mama as much
as you can.” I said, “Papa, I’m gonna do my best.” But little did I know
then like I know now, that tryin’ to climb life’s mountains searchin’ for a
top where there ain’t no top, sometimes you find yourself frustrated, lazy.
But every time I feel like I can’t live my life like I want to, my mind goes
back to that day when I see those tears in my daddy’s eyes. But most of all
I remember his words, “Patches, I’m dependin’ on you, boy.” Every time I
feel like givin’ up, I hear his voice. “Patches, Patches, Patches, Patches -”

I’m depending on you, son
I’ve tried to do my best
It’s up to you to do the rest

Patches
I’m depending on you, son
I’ve tried to do my best
It’s up to you to do the rest
Patches
I’m depending on you, son
To pull the family through
My son, it’s all left up to you


Patches today, in his shanty.

Bluevolt: ‘”Run Joey Run.” This is some sick shit!’

Run Joey Run
David Geddes

Daddy please don’t, it wasn’t his fault, he means so much to me
Daddy please don’t, we’re gonna get married…just you wait and see.

She called me up, late last night, she said Joe, don’t come over
My dad and I just had a fight, and he stormed out the door
I’ve never seen him act his this way, my God, hes going crazy
He says he’s gonna make you pay, for what we’ve done, he’s got a gun, so

Run Joey Run Joey Run
Daddy please don’t, it wasn’t his fault, he means so much to me
Daddy please don’t, we’re gonna get married…just you wait and see.

I got in my car and I drove like mad, till I reached Julie’s place
She ran to me, with tears in her eyes, and bruises on her face
All at once, I saw him there, sneaking up behind me, WATCH OUT!
Then Julie yelled, he’s got a gun, and she stepped in front of me
Suddenly, a shot rang out, and I saw Julie falling
I ran to her, I held her close, when I looked down, my hands were red,
and heres the last words Julie said…

Daddy please don’t, it wasn’t his fault, he means so much to me
Daddy please don’t, we’re gonna get married…..aaahhh..ahhhh
ahhhh….ahhhhh

Run Joey run Joey run Joey run Joey run Joey run


… cuz Julie didn’t run fast enough!

today’s mythology lesson

Filed under:Princess Luciana — posted by Donna Lethal on June 27, 2007 @ 7:30 pm

Narcissism describes the character trait of self love.

The word is derived from a Greek myth. Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who rejected the desperate advances of the nymph Echo. As punishment, he was doomed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus pined away and changed into the flower that bears his name, the narcissus.

Freud believed that some narcissism is an essential part of all of us from birth and was the first to use the term in the reference to psychology.[1]

Andrew Morrison claims that, in adults, a reasonable amount of healthy narcissism allows the individual’s perception of his needs to be balanced in relation to others[2].

In psychology and psychiatry, excessive narcissism is recognized as a severe personality dysfunction or personality disorder, most characteristically Narcissistic Personality Disorder, also referred to as NPD.

The terms “narcissism”, “narcissistic” and “narcissist” are often used as pejoratives, denoting vanity, conceit, egotism or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.

Wait … those are bad? Oh no! What would Princess Luciana say? Let me turn to the sacred bible, “The Beautiful People’s Beauty Book,” to find a suitable passage in response.

p. 106:

” When I stepped off the elevator in Houston, along with Italian bag and shoes I was wearing an English dress, Kenny Lane and Bulgari jewels, and French panty-hose. Doubtless my hairstyle was “made in Italy” and so was my makeup, although the technique for the application of the latter may have been suggested by a Belgian specialist. Put them all together, they still spell R-O-M-A-N.

Whatever the components, I meant the effect to be as appealing as possible … why should chic and knowledgeable beauty in any way detract from manners and decency?”

all hail Princess L!

Oh, Father!

Filed under:It's a John Waters World — posted by Donna Lethal on June 25, 2007 @ 8:03 pm

i just don’t understand why anyone would pose as a priest - it’s just so damned creepy.

LISBON (Reuters) - A man pretending to be a priest was arrested by police as he prepared to baptize a baby in a small town in the north of Portugal.

“When the man said ‘in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit’ police came in and grabbed him,” a member of the church was quoted by local daily Jornal de Noticias as saying.

A spokeswoman for the Portuguese police said the 34-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of impersonating a priest and had several similar arrest warrants to his name.

“We had to interrupt the religious ceremony to identify the suspect,” said spokeswoman Amelia Moutinho, adding that the public prosecutor would now investigate the case.

I started thinking - if the baby had died, he would have gone to limbo! Then my father told me they did away with limbo. “Where did all the unbaptized babies go?” I wondered. “Did they get upgraded to heaven, or sent to purgatory?”


where did the babies go?

she found it!

Filed under:Mavis Martini — posted by Donna Lethal on June 18, 2007 @ 3:01 pm


in Wilmington, NC. photo by Mavis Martini.

bloody vengeance 3

Filed under:lethal hall of fame — posted by Donna Lethal on June 17, 2007 @ 12:34 pm

my pal in new zealand sends. i cannot believe they did this in a weekend. think of all the garbage (and i don’t mean that ironically) you see that takes a year to make. incredible!:

“Hi everyone!

I wanted to share with you our first short film made by Frond Films.

For those of you who don’t know, we entered in New Zealand’s biggest film festival competition last month where you are given a genre then 48hrs later have to write, shoot, produce, and edit a film no longer than 7 minutes. We pulled Grindhouse out of the hat and this is what we came up with:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gBchT7XdS0

We were a Christchurch city finalist and were nominated 6 times, taking away “Best Manic Moment” - Virginie Le Brun, “Best Make-up” and “Best Costume” - both Claudia Agusto. We also won an audience award!

PLEASE forward this to as many people as you know!

Cheers!”

Just Wrong Songs, Part 2

Filed under:just wrong songs — posted by Donna Lethal on June 8, 2007 @ 7:11 pm

Oh, everyone had suggestions after the last one! Let me try and get down more of these cringe-worthy classics:

Danielle: “Mac Davis: ‘Baby Don’t Get Hooked on Me.’”
Here we go again … ‘I’m warnin’ ya, I know you can’t stay away, so if you keep hangin’ around, it’s not my fault!’ Italics mine - as if it needs them.

Girl, you’re gettin’ that look in your eyes
And it’s startin’ to worry me
I ain’t ready for no family ties
Nobody’s gonna hurry me
Just keep it friendly, girl, ’cause I don’t wanna leave
Don’t start clingin’ to me, girl, ’cause I can’t breathe

Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me
’cause I’ll just use you then I’ll set you free
Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me

Girl, you’re a hot-blooded woman-child
And it’s warm where you’re touchin’ me (ugh!)
But I can tell by your tremblin’ smile
You’re seein’ way too much in me
Girl, don’t let your life get tangled up with mine
’cause I’ll just leave you, I can’t take no clingin’ vine

Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me
’cause I’ll just use you then I’ll set you free
Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me

I’d really like to send some Russ Meyer gals to beat the shit out of Mac Davis.

Next up from Bleuvolt: “Clint Holmes ‘Playground in my Mind.’ That song is so creepy!”

I had forgotten about it, but the second Bleuvolt said that, it brought it all back in its horrifying glory:

When this old world gets me down
And there’s no love to be found
I close my eyes and soon I find
I’m in a playground in my mind
Where the children laugh and the children play
And we sing a song all day

“My name is Michael, I got a nickel
I got a nickel, shiny and new
I’m gonna buy me all kinds of candy
That’s what I’m gonna do”

See the little children
Living in a world that I left behind
Happy little children
In the playground in my mind

Oh the wonders that I find
In the playground in my mind
In a world that used to be
Close your eyes and follow me
Where the children laugh and the children play
And we sing a song all day

“My girl is Cindy
When we get married, we’re gonna have a baby or two
We’re gonna let them visit their grandma
That’s what we’re gonna do”

“My name is Cindy
When we get married, were gonna have a baby or two
We’re gonna let them visit their grandma
That’s what we’re gonna do”

See the little children
See how they’re playing so happy
In the playground in my mind

Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
La la la la la la la

God! I don’t even want those words on my blog! I need to take a shower now.

And I hate to even put Sir Tom on here, because I loooove him. And he didn’t write the lyrics, but “She’s a Lady” does belong:

(I like this one, ‘cuz it has all the ‘woah woah woah’s in it):

Well she’s all you’d ever want,
She’s the kind they’d like to flaunt and take to dinner.
Well she always knows her place.
She’s got style, she’s got grace, She’s a winner.
She’s a Lady. Whoa whoa whoa, She’s a Lady.
Talkin’ about that little lady, and the lady is mine.
Well she’s never in the way
Always something nice to say, Oh what a blessing.
I can leave her on her own
Knowing she’s okay alone, and there’s no messing.

She’s a lady. Whoa, whoa, whoa. She’s a lady.
Talkin’ about that little lady, and the lady is mine.


Well she never asks for very much and I don’t refuse her.
Always treat her with respect, I never would abuse her.
What she’s got is hard to find, and I don’t want to lose her
Help me build a mountain from my little pile of clay. Hey, hey, hey.
Well she knows what I’m about,
She can take what I dish out, and that’s not easy,
Well she knows me through and through,
She knows just what to do, and how to please me.
She’s a lady. Whoa, whoa, whoa. She’s a lady.
Talkin’ about that little lady and the lady is mine.
Yeah yeah yeah She’s a Lady
Listen to me baby, She’s a Lady
Whoa whoa whoa, She’s a Lady
And the Lady is mine
Yeah yeah yeah She’s a Lady
Talkin about this little lady
Whoa whoa whoa whoa
Whoa and the lady is mine
Yeah yeah She’s a Lady
And the Lady is mine.

RP: “Go Away Little Girl.”
Donny Osmond and Johnny Mathis recorded this Goffin-King classic (I have to find that Mathis one … I can’t even imagine.) Yet another along the lines of Puckett and Davis - it’s not my fault!

“Go Away Little Girl”

Won’t you go away (little girl)
Wish you wouldn’t stay (little girl)
Won’t you go away (little girl)
Wooo ooo go away.

Go away little girl
Go away little girl
I’m not supposed to be alone with you
Oh yes I know that your lips are sweet
But our lips must never meet
I belong to somebody else and I must be true.

Please go away little girl
Go away little girl
It’s hurting me more each minute that you delay
When you are near me like this
You’re much too hard to resist
So go away little girl before I beg you to stay.

Won’t you go away (little girl)
Wish you wouldn’t stay (little girl)
Won’t you go away (little girl)
Wooo ooo go away.

Go away little girl
Go away little girl
It’s hurting me more each minute that you delay
When you are near me like this
You’re much too hard to resist
So go away little girl
Call it a day little girl
Please go away little girl before I beg you to stay.

Won’t you go away (little girl)
Wish you wouldn’t stay (little girl)
Won’t you go away (little girl)
Please go away.

You’re lucky these have all been just printed lyrics, because you’ve had a bit of preparation for this horror:


“the you i’ve come to know” - more like the ‘ewwww’ I’ve come to know!

Lada Edmund, jr. - where are you?

Filed under:lethal hall of fame — posted by Donna Lethal on June 6, 2007 @ 11:33 am

Quelle Fromage! I posted this some months back, so national cheese day is long past.

Turns out TODAY is national cheese day, not yesterday, as SOME people (who shall remain nameless but simply don’t understand my love of 60s pop le francais) will have it. Check out Lada Edmund Jr - the gogo girl in the cage from Hullaballoo, as Soupy Sales lets her out to sing! Lada cut two singles then disappeared after doing some movies (like “Rape Squad” with one of my heroes, Jack Hill, illustrious director of other classics like “SpiderBaby” and “Coffy.”) Anyone know where she is? I probably pass her in the supermarket here in LA!

I figured out why Hugo freaks me out

Filed under:Daily Trash — posted by Donna Lethal on June 4, 2007 @ 5:15 pm

… because he’s like one of those half-conjoined dead twins that hangs out of the other twin’s body:

He does, doesn’t he?

Motosierra

Filed under:lethal music — posted by Donna Lethal on June 1, 2007 @ 4:48 pm

my friends in Uruguay (I wrote that just cuz I can!) … and they do a song called “Scorpio.” I like to think it’s about me. I’m sure it’s not, but check it out anyway, because anyone that plays music like Motosierra in a country where Catholic convention still tries to prevent such things deserves kudos in my book:


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